Singapore Chili Crab (my New Years Resolution)

That is one beautiful 420 gram Chili Crab

From brick and mortar, family restaurants to hawker food plazas and chicken satay carts, my trip to Asia spoiled the hell out of me. The Singapore Chili Crab? Fucking amazing.

The whole crab is simmered in this amazing, sweet chili sauce and served alongside steaming white rice and fresh lime slices. Diving in hands-first, the shell easily breaks apart to unlock thick, juicy pieces of crab meat. Once the crab is completely dismantled (it's gonna look like you haven't eaten in days), continue your adventure by shoving spoonful upon spoonful of rice-chili sauce-crab bits goodness.

Thanks Asia…now I have a craving for Chili Crab and DC has ZERO Chili Crab places. I need my fix (like all things addicting, the crab is weighed in grams...). So now I'm determined to re-create this famous Singaporean dish.

Three days ago, I decided to make this my New Year's Resolution - to cook something completely out of my element.

Two days ago, I realized this is going to be a pain in the ass.

1) You can't buy the sauce, you have to make it.  Variations range from including eggs to corn starch to ketchup. (I have zero patience for measuring)

2) And where am I going to find mud crabs? (Chesapeake Blue rule this region)

3) A lot of the recipes say to clean the innards of the crab first…. (There's absolutely no way I'm ripping open a live crab) 

...You can negate on a resolution if you didn't make it on New Year's, right?

But I'm going to stick with it. Fueled with coffee and a full-nights sleep (wouldn't that be a perfect storm), I'm going to try and perfect the sauce. One recipe says you can boil the crab for two minutes before cleaning the insides (saving me from my conscious and PETA). 

So there's one of my New Year's Resolutions, 6 days early.

But there's no way in hell I'm going to cook a trial run on the third date. And I wouldn't recommend doing it either. Maybe the eighth - bonne chance.