Wednesday, July 6, 2011

The hospital is not a good next date

Tip #4
It's not Grey's Anatomy, Combat Hospital, Off the Map, or any other cookie cutter ABC medical drama.  I know date ideas are difficult but this isn't a good one. Trust me 1.  Even though you have 5,000 things running through you head:

Don't rush in the kitchen - It'll make her nervous. Make you look unsettled.  And your awesome, ultra sharp, 8" chefs knife isn't so awesome when you slice your finger - much less if your newly appointed, sous chef cuts her finger.  She's already semi-nervous about trying to cut the onions to "your standards" (quartered and diced can be equivalent sometimes).  She's worried about just coming over in general and hoping that you won't serve her undercooked chicken - so don't rush her with your ultra sharp knife 2.

Watch your undercooked proteins (specifically pork and chicken) - I never worry about undercooking beef or seafood.  Rare is a standard temperature at the steakhouse and raw sushi is the new trend.  Both have been served raw.  As long as the meat or seafood is FRESH, you can get away with undercooking it. Pork and chicken are no where near this category.  Buy a digital meat thermometer, look up cook times online, and be sure to check for an opaque, white center.  I'm not underselling chicken or pork (I would never say such things about bacon) but maybe go with beef or seafood the first time around.

Double check allergies - So now you're psyched to cook this freshly researched meal but in the mean time, you've forgotten that she's allergic to scallops.  Digestive issues and allergies are becoming more prevalent, so just double check.  Shellfish may be obvious, but I've come across dairy, gluten (wheat), and tomato allergies as well.  She'll probably tell you beforehand but I can't say I didn't warn you.

It's always about a girl (or guy).  Fights.  Moving across the country.  Injuries.  Hospital Visits.  (I could go on).  In college, after getting a girl's number and playing phone tag for days, I finally saw a glimmer of hope.  Details are hazy on how everything came together but I knew I had to get from Point A (playing card games and downing SoCo 100) to Point B as. quickly. as. possible (where my probably equally intoxicated girl awaited).

Now in this case, the quickest route from Point A to Point B was not a straight line.  Between the drunken jog and the short cut through an apartment complex, I managed to find myself needing 40 stitches and a surgeon....

Long story short, she came to the hospital 45 minutes after I arrived and ended up staying the night next to my hospital bed.  I'm not going to over-analyze what that meant but after one more date things ended.  I still blame the hospital.

Another option would be to give her a duller knife.

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